Death, the unavoidable price everyone has to pay. A stoppage of the heart, the exhale of the last breath, and the fading of a final memory—something everyone will inevitably have to experience in the end.
Everyone has or will experience the sting of death, the loss of a family member, friend, or lover. So why do we only mention the beginning of life? We plan out names for the unborn, throw baby showers, and celebrate birthdays every 12 months. The concept of life is mentioned so often, but why does the topic of death never come up? We despise death for taking away people and time, for having its negative connotation and tone. For the most part, we only talk about death when we have already lost someone dear to us.
So, here is to… death.
It could be slow, prolonged and lengthy. A type of death where you've been fighting on the hospital bed for months, but you never make a recovery. It could all be over in the blink of an eye. An instant death that doesn't give you any time to process the situation. It could be the death of old age where you feel content with your accomplishments or an end with lingering regrets and unrealized dreams. It comes in many different shapes and forms..
It's early in the morning, and you had a tough night. You wake up on a bed, not your bed but a hospital bed. Sounds of doctors having a serious conversation with your family members with tears streaming down their faces. Machines are monitoring your vitals, you've been to this part of the hospital when you were young to visit your grandfather before he passed, but now you've taken his place. You're scared of being alone, scared of the unknown, and a million thoughts are running through your head. The door quietly swings open, and your loved ones come in, trying to hide their tears behind broad smiles, but you can't help but notice their puffy eyes.
A near-death experience is a fascinating phenomenon where people who have been pronounced legally dead for minutes, hours, or even days come back to life. They describe it as a peaceful journey, a life-changing experience. Some say that they get flashbacks from random memories. Not significant ones like weddings or fun memories, but those where they check their mail or brush their teeth in the morning. One interesting case was when a man who nearly died had a flashback about walking up a staircase and seeing a white cat. This memory turned out to be true and not only a fuzzy delusion. The mother had said that the mentioned staircase was in their old apartment and that a neighbor owned a white cat, but they had moved out of the apartment when he was just a toddler. This raises the question, does the brain really forget? Does it remember all the good and bad, the insignificant and significant memories? Does it remember your life, a life worth living?
But in most cases, once a life is lost, it is permanently gone. It seems as though death pains the people around more than the person dying. Seeing a loved one die means losing the chance to relive old memories and make new ones. The struggle to accept that they are truly gone forever. But this is what makes life so special. If life were to go on, never-ending, would life hold any value? How would we know what happiness feels like if we were to feel happy all the time? If we were sad all the time, then sadness would be the new "okay". If life were to go on eternally, what would be the point of all of it? Would we live to the fullest?
It's beginning to reach the close of day, the sunset is shining awfully bright into the stuffy hospital room. The melting sky looked so pretty today, as if an artist had personally illustrated it for you. Finishing your favorite meal, visitors have to leave soon so you tell them you’ll be fine and that you love them. They hug you one last time and walk out with sour feelings. You start feeling it engulfing your body, it’s approaching you slowly. Its footsteps echo in the back of your mind. It was soft at first, but now it's getting loud, too loud to ignore. Pulses and heartbeats are irregular and hard to hear, body temperature drops, your skin is turning bluish-purple and can no longer radiate like it used to. Death is chasing you like a deadline. It seems as though the thought of being alive has run away with no thought of coming back. It seems as though it has been replaced by something else.
What would you, my reader, define as being ‘alive’? Not just living and existing through day by day, but being alive. We wouldn't really be able to define it without the creeping of death following us around. We wouldn’t cherish the moments we had or have a reason to achieve anything if we would just exist. But taking in the concept of death brings us a new meaning, a purpose which tells us we have to do something since ‘you only live once’. It proposes just existing is not enough, it tells us that we have to do something or else we’ll be swelled up with regrets on our deathbed. It screams at me to ask out the person I like, dye my hair a weird color, and do something stupid with my friends. It tells me to work on my passions, keeps me grounded and in the moment, it tells me to invite my loved ones out since we won’t have ‘forever’ with each other.
What do you think will go through your mind in your very last moments?
You're slowly falling in and out of consciousness, knowing it's coming in every single cell in your body. You're alone on your hospital bed, it's night time. You wonder if the stars were as pretty as the sunset, but you no longer have the energy to look through the window anymore. Your body is feeling sore, breathing alternates between gasping and slowing down. You won't make it through tonight as death has finally appeared at the door. Thoughts of what could have been are flowing in. What things will you regret or feel grateful for? What things will you despise death for?
You take your last breath as your lungs can no longer supply you with air like it always has. Your heart monitor beeps one last time followed by a flatline. No professionally trained doctor can steal you back from death anymore, it’s grasp aching you to let go.
All your memories start to replay in a false pace of time. Was it a life worth living?